How To Throw a Bachelor Party/Farm Reunion

Well .... hmmmmm ... where do I start? I guess we start with Bob Fales' truck and trailer bound for the Navigator Bachelor Party. Five coolers. One home-made grill. Steaks, Brats, and home-made venison sausage for 18 people. 4 cases of Beer. 80 pounds of ice. 4 Lawn chairs. 3 Tents. 4 Tiki torches. One portable deep-fryer. Camping cookware. 4 dozen eggs. Piles of bacon. A 300 watt PA system. iPods. Video camera. Digital camera. Home-made navigational signs with spray-painted arrows. Chainsaw. Swimming trunks. Soap. Cell phone charger. Steak knives. Eye-drops. 2 propane tanks. Saw horse table. Folding table. Small portable grill. River shoes. Allergy medicine. Bug spray. Sunglasses. Inflatable mattress. Pillow.


What am I forgetting?

Too much happens during a three-day party blow-out to describe. There were only a few injuries; Mike Lundell pulled his hamstring pretty bad trying to get the golf-cart off a log deep in the woods, Jerry Anderson almost seperated his shoulder in a bean-bag throwing mishap "I was too drunk and [silly] to stand up ... and that's how I got hurt," said Jerry ... many cut their feet on rocks by the shore in the dark, and Bryan Hanna's audio engineering career was nearly ruined by a barrage of bottle-rockets. Jason Griggs won the "get the bottle-rocket into Fales' truck window" contest while listening to the Sanford & Son theme song. Mark Dalton gets the "Best Male Stripper at a Heterosexual Bachelor Party" award. Dan Johnson gets the "Bachelor Party Wisdom" award for admitting that "forgetting the forks at a BBQ is alot worse than forgetting the chopsticks". Rev. Boyce gets the honorary "Clint Eastwood HANG 'EM HIGH Quick-Draw Bean-Bag Toss" Award. Scott Andre gets the "Still Sober Enough to Remember that Somebody Should Take Photos, will you get me a beer?" award. Mike Lundell walks away limping with the "Brewery & Off-Road Golf Cart Tour Guide" award. Bob Fales walks away with his own show on the Discovery Channel called simply "Bob 'Never-Ever' Fales". Chad Nelson gets the "I'm Pissed at My Damn Tent/Good Sport!" award and he also came through with the "Oldest Whiskey - 18-Year Jameson" award. Matt Craig placed with the "I Found Bryan's Glasses in the River With My Foot at 2am" award. Steve Price hoists the "I Brought 2 Jugs of Fresh Coffee in the Morning" award, and also the "Look at this Jew Go Apeshit for the Bacon" award. Matt Mulhern grabs the "I Drank a Ton of Beer and Didn't Tip Over" award. Chuck Hoffman runs away with the "Law Enforcement Liason/Helpin' G.R. Anderson get His Damn Tent Up" award. Craig Dalton wins the "Eating Steak with my Fingers? No problem!" award. AND, lastly, I walk away with the "I'm the Luckiest Guy in the Whole Wide World" award!!

Quotables:
"I'm a medium, not a mystic ..." - G.R. Anderson, Jr.
"What's a meadowphor?" - Jason Griggs
"Steak, eggs, onions ... hmmmm" - Bob Fales
"Did I think Butt-touch, or did I say it outloud?" - Rev. Boyce Johnson
"Walk it off, Lundell ..." - Mark Dalton
"Hey, some of us use our ears to make money!" - Bryan Hanna
"What?!?!? You want me to barf on you?" - Chad Nelson
"Where's da cheeze at? I don't know!" - Mike Lundell
"It's a BOY!!!" - Bryan Hanna reacting to G.R. Anderson crawling out of his tent naked in the morning.
"Blood is thicker than beer" - unknown. Boyce? Griggs? Me?

Thanks for a legitimate All-Time Top-Five Lifetime Fun-Achievement Weekend, fellas ... special thanks to Bob Fales (my Best Dude) and the Daltons for use of their property (not to mention getting those awesome shirts printed up, Mark!)