Kitty Goes Back to School
Station break. There she is. Senior year an' all that. She has a heavy schedule but appears undaunted and puckish. We got more god-light this year, as we have every year since we moved down here, for the "walking away shot". I have a 14 year series, from the first day of Hannah going off to kindergarten .... walking away from home with their colorful little loads on their backs. And at the end of the day, it's all about returning home, coming home. Everything waits there.
Thoughts continue returning to the survivors of Katrina and worse, the abused refugees of Bushco. It is about the stuff you lose -- the family heirlooms, the journals, the photographs. Ultimately, as evidenced by the testaments from evacuees I've read over the last 24 hours, it is mostly not about the stuff you lose. It's about home -- what it means collectively and individually -- the space it occupies in the consciousness of each of us. The memory of home, the future it cradles and, most of all, the present tense of simply belonging there.
I don't really believe in the concept of "safety" but if there is any truth in it, home is its one word definition. Having said that, I understand why there are those who even now, their houses drowned in reeking toxic water, refuse to leave their rooftops. Between too much loss to grasp and the hallucinatory effects of no food or water, these shingles they cling to may represent all they have left inside.
posted by wendy lewis at 9/06/2005 06:59:00 PM
5 Comments:
Wow, you're nearly to that "empty nest" thing. It will be be a subtle shift in your sense of home. There's this weird little disconnect due to the absence of a daily dose of your little lovelies. The unnatural quiet that fills the air. It takes some getting used to. Enjoy this final 9-month journey though Kitty's Senior year. Before you know it, your everday fix of her smile & affection will only come on weekends and summers, then it's just holidays...
Since Hannah's left home, I think I miss her most each time we say goodbye. I feel a different daily connection with her now. In some ways, it's almost closer.
It's a slow withdrawal. It's been happening since Hannah was a junior, and the same thing is happening now with Kitty, even since last year. But both of them are so knit into me (and vice versa) that the physical release of them from my daily life feels natural and right.
I guess I think of it as a rearranged nest. Because when they are home, they bring a renewed energy into the house ... something only their independence can proffer. We pick up where we left off. I'm sure you do that with your kids.
Still, you are farther down the road with all this.... your family scattered around the country with career changes and dream chasing. You know more than I do. In any case, there is no going back... and it's just one more reason to live in the present. I know.... it's become a trite phrase, but it's .... true dat.
Believe me, we enjoy our refound independence. But there are times when we miss the physical presence of our beloved girl & boy. When they are here, we do fall right back into everything, as if they've barely been gone. Andie was just here for 3 days—not enough—and we haad a great time. It is the natural process for the kids to leave, to find their own bliss, make their own ways. There's just fewer hugs and the glimpses of the twinkling eyes & bright smiles are rarer.
Great! This is what our citizenry get for being unfortunate enough to live through a natural disaster. This gets more unbelievable every damn day. God Bless Texas!
Alright, this is starting to sound like a performance runthrough for the real reason FEMA was created. If you start hearing about trains made of nothing but white cars hauling people around, grab yer frickin' tinfoil hats and meet me at the ziggurat.
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